In the dream it looked like a war zone. everything was dark and gray and almost desolated. I don't recognise the place I am in,
I am walking along the sidewalk, there are abandoned cars along the way on this long stretch of road. as I walk it seems that everything I touch disintegrates, it breaks into an ash like substance and then withers away.
I am scared and alone, and everything I reach for is destroyed. then the sky lights up with lightening as it starts to storm, and the rain comes down so hard that it hurts my skin.. I can't take it! each drop that hits me burns. I look to see a house sitting at the end of the road, I run to it but the door to get inside is on the second level. I see on the side of the house a set of stairs, when my hand touches the railing , flames run up the railing and the house splits in half and begins to disintegrate and fall away... I scream " JESUS!!!!" as I look to the sky... I wake up
See God has allowed me to cross paths with Aaron Potratz, I am a believer that everything happens for a reason and the people we meet along the way is for a reason... Maybe Aarons reason is to help give me a better understanding of the dreams I have like this one.. he helped me realize that maybe the dreams symbolizes my life and how everything I seem to touch, fix or do on my own I mess it up somehow, and the more I rely on my own self the deeper I get into the mess I am in, and so now in this storm that is too much for me to take I withdraw within myself (the house)and I am drowning within all of this mess, the things I struggle with. But I am destroying myself, my house and my family in a sense... and at the very last minute I call out to the one I should have been calling to in the first place... GOD.
Sure I have been praying to God about my struggles, but I have not given full control of my life over to God... and everything I try to fix on my own... I can't do it. I can't do it alone, only God can.
I know its hard, but we have to learn to give everything to God, espesally when we are hurting. I found myself on my knees. praying in the spirit and this is what God spoke to me .. in a small still voice I heard these thoughts enter into my head and I started writing the words as they came to me with tears running down my face like a child facing her Father
" You are searching in all the wrong places, Look to me always..
you are more than you see for yourself, I created you, I planed you, I love you and I died for you. Even if no one else sees your heart.. I know your heart very well.. just keep loving everyone.. LOOK TO ME for all your needs, I will provide more than you know. STOP crying to others but Cry out to me"
I find myself a lot of times crying to everyone else around me about all the things that are wrong in my life, about how if things don't change I will be in so much trouble .... blah blah blah... but what comes out of it??? nothing!!! I find myself still in the same place with a few more annoyed people in my life.
I believe getting to the place where we are able to give all to God is a process... we have to condition our hearts and minds. and the only way to do that is to pray, pray , pray... even when it doesn't seem like any anything is changing , pray more! and read Gods word... there is something Great about the word of God... because he knows already what we need from him , his word as been constructed in a way to minister to us no matter the circumstance in our lives. I find myself praying scripture to God for myself. Gods word is a love letter, from Genesis to Revelation he is talking to you and to me.... Go and listen to the voice of God and then let him listen to the sound of your voice and pray - your sister in CHRIST
( while your at it, go check out Aarons blog... he follows me here, just click on his picture icon)
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Complete Trust
I am trying really hard, God. with this every day struggle
maybe I should try harder to push it down deep,
push it down until its under my feet. It breaks my heart and I can't help my emotions
oh how I let you down so many times, every day falling so weak.
eyes full of tears, to the rim,overwhelmed they stream down
my heart searches for your comfort, forgetting …
forgetting that your arms are always wide open
it isn't anything of this world that I seek, I am confused..
its you, My God- the comfort, the companionship the relationship
your sweet love that I crave.
I can’t replace it ,
Nothing in this world can replace who you are, what you do
The love that you give and the blessings that you bring.
If I could just let go of this world…
just let it go.
I know that you have so many great things for me.
But why can't I let it go completely? why do I hold on to it?
its because I am scared that if I let go of everything that brings me pleasure in the slightest
I will have nothing. and in knowing this.. Knowing it is a lack of faith in My heavenly father upsets me…
it hurts me to know of the sadness I must cause to my God, my Father, the only Daddy that has ever been here to no end.
what do you see in me? why do you love me so?
Show me who I am, lead and guide me.. Hold my hand
maybe I should try harder to push it down deep,
push it down until its under my feet. It breaks my heart and I can't help my emotions
oh how I let you down so many times, every day falling so weak.
eyes full of tears, to the rim,overwhelmed they stream down
my heart searches for your comfort, forgetting …
forgetting that your arms are always wide open
it isn't anything of this world that I seek, I am confused..
its you, My God- the comfort, the companionship the relationship
your sweet love that I crave.
I can’t replace it ,
Nothing in this world can replace who you are, what you do
The love that you give and the blessings that you bring.
If I could just let go of this world…
just let it go.
I know that you have so many great things for me.
But why can't I let it go completely? why do I hold on to it?
its because I am scared that if I let go of everything that brings me pleasure in the slightest
I will have nothing. and in knowing this.. Knowing it is a lack of faith in My heavenly father upsets me…
it hurts me to know of the sadness I must cause to my God, my Father, the only Daddy that has ever been here to no end.
what do you see in me? why do you love me so?
Show me who I am, lead and guide me.. Hold my hand
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Love
I feel this heaviness on my heart today. I am not sure why. Today is Valentines, its where people everywhere take the time to show the love for those close to them. Maybe I am feeling this because I am alone, and I DON'T have anyone to show me that physical love. But then i thought" NO, This isn't true" the reason I feel this, is because of the lack of Love we as Christan's show for others. I love the Church I currently attend, but I have noticed there are those who sit in the seats and turn there nose up to other, I have even had one Man roll his eyes at me as I spoke to the pastor while he waited his turn. its a sting to the spirit.... to my Spirit!
lucky I can remind myself that I am a Child of God, and My father who is in Heaven loves me to no end "" TO NO END " Before we were created, when we were created and forever and ever.
I have written on this before and I feel that I am to do so again. I point the finger at myself as well as everyone around me. we all fall short of this.
God created me just as he created you, just as he created the homeless man you may pass by each day as he sits on the side of the road. Just as He created the millionaire a few miles away, or even the single mother who strugles to take care of her family. We were all made from the same God, and he doesn't love you anymore than he loves me.
My God tells each cloud where to sit in the sky.. he carves out the channels where the lighting strikes, and they report to him saying " here I AM " It was God who shut the sea behind doors to hold it in its place. he shut those doors and set its doors and bars in place saying " this far you may come, but no farther, here is where your waves halt" He gives order to the morning and shows the dawn its place.
Can you do all of these things?
No, and I can not either.
but this powerful God loves me just as he loves you. he does not judge me for what I don't have or for what I can do. and you should not judge me or anyone else. and I should not judge you. in Gods eyes you are no better than I, or me than you. we are the same. your money does not define you, and my lack of does not define me. but what does define us is our love for God and Gods people. Pray for the heart of God so that you can learn to love as he does and always will.. TO NO END
One of the reasons I feel so strongly about this is because of that "sting" I felt in my spirit.. I have my own personal relationship with God. I grow every day, trying to become stronger and better.
Our Mission as a church and as Christians is to reach out to people and share the love of God, but how can we do that when we do not love the ones we are reaching for. that STING will drive the new born Christian away, the same one we reached out to. let us humble ourselves in the Lord and be reminded the whole point of this. just because you are filling the seat doesn't mean your job is done, you can't manipulate God.
The whole point here it to Love, love and love... I can't say this enough... the words Love keep echoing in my mind, spirit and soul.
God loves me, i love God and I love you! Remember that God is Love. it is only due to the fall of man that anything other than love has been applied, any thing other than love is not of God.
lucky I can remind myself that I am a Child of God, and My father who is in Heaven loves me to no end "" TO NO END " Before we were created, when we were created and forever and ever.
I have written on this before and I feel that I am to do so again. I point the finger at myself as well as everyone around me. we all fall short of this.
God created me just as he created you, just as he created the homeless man you may pass by each day as he sits on the side of the road. Just as He created the millionaire a few miles away, or even the single mother who strugles to take care of her family. We were all made from the same God, and he doesn't love you anymore than he loves me.
My God tells each cloud where to sit in the sky.. he carves out the channels where the lighting strikes, and they report to him saying " here I AM " It was God who shut the sea behind doors to hold it in its place. he shut those doors and set its doors and bars in place saying " this far you may come, but no farther, here is where your waves halt" He gives order to the morning and shows the dawn its place.
Can you do all of these things?
No, and I can not either.
but this powerful God loves me just as he loves you. he does not judge me for what I don't have or for what I can do. and you should not judge me or anyone else. and I should not judge you. in Gods eyes you are no better than I, or me than you. we are the same. your money does not define you, and my lack of does not define me. but what does define us is our love for God and Gods people. Pray for the heart of God so that you can learn to love as he does and always will.. TO NO END
One of the reasons I feel so strongly about this is because of that "sting" I felt in my spirit.. I have my own personal relationship with God. I grow every day, trying to become stronger and better.
Our Mission as a church and as Christians is to reach out to people and share the love of God, but how can we do that when we do not love the ones we are reaching for. that STING will drive the new born Christian away, the same one we reached out to. let us humble ourselves in the Lord and be reminded the whole point of this. just because you are filling the seat doesn't mean your job is done, you can't manipulate God.
The whole point here it to Love, love and love... I can't say this enough... the words Love keep echoing in my mind, spirit and soul.
God loves me, i love God and I love you! Remember that God is Love. it is only due to the fall of man that anything other than love has been applied, any thing other than love is not of God.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
...
I am in a dark room, no one around, I can't see anything its too dark.
oh wait ... the is a doorway, light shining! All I have to do is walk through and leave all this darkness, I am scared here and heart broken all alone. But there's my way out, its the light. that is where Jesus is standing waiting. only I don't know because no one has ever told me. So what do I do...? I stay in this darkness and I will continue to be afraid of this darkness. and I will keep searching for a way out. feeling my way around, hands slide against the wall, searching, looking. Down on my knees now I am crying out to God " WHY!? if there were really a God why am I trapped? lifting my head out of my hands, looking to see... there's that doorway.. and that light again.... its always there.
.. it seems so evident and clear. We learn that Jesus died on the cross so that our sins will be forgiven and we can have life ever lasting with God. Jesus had the power as the son of God to avoid all the lashing and beatings leading up to that Cross.. so why then would he go through it? Why would he Indore such pain? I mean, could you imagine ... with each strike sharp and painful, ripping into your skin? The scars left behind on this Man born of God, but not just a Man but God himself, the love he must have for us, YOU and ME. The scars he now has are there to replace any Scar left on our lives, and I am not necessarily speaking of physical scars but of the ones that hurt us most, the hurt we carry inside, anger, hate, jealousy and rejection. These are the things that we have so much trouble of letting go. I sometimes wonder if we don't feel safer holding on to these things, because maybe in a way we hold on to it because its all we know, in a twisted way it is our comfort zone, and maybe we are afraid to let go of what we have always known. In reality we are hurting ourselves, Did you know that you do not have to hold on to what hurts you? The pain has already been inflicted by this world, ON Jesus Christ. He has been rejected, Hurt, brutally beaten, and killed. the Son of God walked this earth to face all that has already been done and will be done to Us. So we no longer have to live with the pain.
God gave us a way out, He gave YOU a way out. Don't ignore the light of the world, Jesus Christ. He didn't ignore or forget his mission, his soul purpose which is the Salvation of the people in this world. Instead he stands with open arms waiting for us to see him and walk out of the darkness and into light which is his Love for you.
oh wait ... the is a doorway, light shining! All I have to do is walk through and leave all this darkness, I am scared here and heart broken all alone. But there's my way out, its the light. that is where Jesus is standing waiting. only I don't know because no one has ever told me. So what do I do...? I stay in this darkness and I will continue to be afraid of this darkness. and I will keep searching for a way out. feeling my way around, hands slide against the wall, searching, looking. Down on my knees now I am crying out to God " WHY!? if there were really a God why am I trapped? lifting my head out of my hands, looking to see... there's that doorway.. and that light again.... its always there.
.. it seems so evident and clear. We learn that Jesus died on the cross so that our sins will be forgiven and we can have life ever lasting with God. Jesus had the power as the son of God to avoid all the lashing and beatings leading up to that Cross.. so why then would he go through it? Why would he Indore such pain? I mean, could you imagine ... with each strike sharp and painful, ripping into your skin? The scars left behind on this Man born of God, but not just a Man but God himself, the love he must have for us, YOU and ME. The scars he now has are there to replace any Scar left on our lives, and I am not necessarily speaking of physical scars but of the ones that hurt us most, the hurt we carry inside, anger, hate, jealousy and rejection. These are the things that we have so much trouble of letting go. I sometimes wonder if we don't feel safer holding on to these things, because maybe in a way we hold on to it because its all we know, in a twisted way it is our comfort zone, and maybe we are afraid to let go of what we have always known. In reality we are hurting ourselves, Did you know that you do not have to hold on to what hurts you? The pain has already been inflicted by this world, ON Jesus Christ. He has been rejected, Hurt, brutally beaten, and killed. the Son of God walked this earth to face all that has already been done and will be done to Us. So we no longer have to live with the pain.
God gave us a way out, He gave YOU a way out. Don't ignore the light of the world, Jesus Christ. He didn't ignore or forget his mission, his soul purpose which is the Salvation of the people in this world. Instead he stands with open arms waiting for us to see him and walk out of the darkness and into light which is his Love for you.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Love's Plead
I was remembering a letter that my mother found in an old family bible that belonged to my Great Grand parents, the letter was about to fall apart because it had been folded and tucked away inside this bible after being written in the year 1944, It was a love letter to My Great Grand Mother, from My Great Grand Father. As it seems in the letter she was away, it doesn't indicate why or even where she was.. only that He had said his goodbyes at the train station.
Over and over He had written how much he loved her and missed her and also how badly he needed her back home. The love he had for her was so apparent.
I was thinking isn't that what the bible is to us..? Gods love letter
from a Father to his Children? a PLEAD saying "I love you and I miss you!"
a plead to be ready? I mean if God just wanted us to know he created earth, and Jesus died to save our sins, he could have done so and our bible today would only be a few pages long. But he wanted to show us more than that. Yes, he is our Lord, creator of all things Good, He is Love, He sent Jesus to die for our sins but he also wanted us to see how our sins had made the world what it is, he is reaching out over and over showing his love and asking us to return to him. The Bible is Gods plead to us. He loves us, he misses us when we aren't living for him and he wants us ready and waiting when he calls us to a greater place,
Over and over He had written how much he loved her and missed her and also how badly he needed her back home. The love he had for her was so apparent.
I was thinking isn't that what the bible is to us..? Gods love letter
from a Father to his Children? a PLEAD saying "I love you and I miss you!"
a plead to be ready? I mean if God just wanted us to know he created earth, and Jesus died to save our sins, he could have done so and our bible today would only be a few pages long. But he wanted to show us more than that. Yes, he is our Lord, creator of all things Good, He is Love, He sent Jesus to die for our sins but he also wanted us to see how our sins had made the world what it is, he is reaching out over and over showing his love and asking us to return to him. The Bible is Gods plead to us. He loves us, he misses us when we aren't living for him and he wants us ready and waiting when he calls us to a greater place,
Friday, January 15, 2010
Haiti
The world shakes under their feet,
Buildings fall all around them as the earth caves in.
Not knowing what to do, not knowing what to think.
Parents holding their children, lifeless in their arms
Children lost with broken hearts, scared,and hurting..
No water to drink, or even food to eat.
Searching for a place to lay their head.
No home, no bed.
One mom finds a child who she thought was dead.
“ Now I realize God loves me” is what she says
The joy to find the ones I love alive, yet
Still the heart breaks for those who are buried away
in a mass grave. And for the families who still don’t know.
My prayer is that God holds the hand of all of those lost
waiting under all of whats crumbled down around them
Time is short , time is running out to find life
Please Help me! Are the cries from Haiti
Please contact your local relief organization,
Maybe a red cross in your area..?
whether its small or large, its from the heart
and speaks volumes of your character
thank you, Jennifer Oneil
better known to most as WritersAve
Buildings fall all around them as the earth caves in.
Not knowing what to do, not knowing what to think.
Parents holding their children, lifeless in their arms
Children lost with broken hearts, scared,and hurting..
No water to drink, or even food to eat.
Searching for a place to lay their head.
No home, no bed.
One mom finds a child who she thought was dead.
“ Now I realize God loves me” is what she says
The joy to find the ones I love alive, yet
Still the heart breaks for those who are buried away
in a mass grave. And for the families who still don’t know.
My prayer is that God holds the hand of all of those lost
waiting under all of whats crumbled down around them
Time is short , time is running out to find life
Please Help me! Are the cries from Haiti
Please contact your local relief organization,
Maybe a red cross in your area..?
whether its small or large, its from the heart
and speaks volumes of your character
thank you, Jennifer Oneil
better known to most as WritersAve
